disintegrate

rate

Have you had one of those days, when you would feel very tired?

I'm tired, I would go. People ask, tired over what? Hmmm. I don't know exactly, it seems like a culmination of emotions, both good and bad, bitter and yet sweet at the same time.

I think of my schlwork, which is in a very shitty state. Then i get very angry at myself. So much work to do, still can enjoy and go tim's house play GH. I know its fun and I love my class and if there were no such things as exams I would spend most of my time having a good time and living life to the fullest with them. Its just, I have no self control. At all.

I wanna see people happy. I wanna be happy and have fun. But i nvr consider the dire consequences that come with negligence to hw.

I feel very angry at myself. Then after awhile the anger fades to this foz (feeling of zen, thankyou mark) where i would feel a sense of calmness and peace. though the problem still exists. its like my subconscious mind has alr accepted the problem.

I don't like this. ):

I feel very fat and lazy and very terrible. I must work hard.

Then everyone around me; my family and stuff, no one's rly being v supportive. ):

my sis says im fat, as do most people in cls haha, but i know they're joking and stuff, or maybe they want me to be slim (to my fullest potential for my own good), and while I take it in my stride most of the time and laugh it off, it's rly hurting sometimes haha. I am proud of myself, fat or not, but when people keep drilling in ur head that you're fat and that's a disgusting thing to be, you somehow grow to think that way. Each day i look in the mirror and grow very disgusted also. Aiyo, is this a sickness.

Aiyah. basically. im tired out. i need some shuteye.

anyw, im very mad with my sister's CCA seniors. YOU THINK YOU SNR THEN YOU CAN ANYHOW COMMAND PEOPLE AND BE RUDE IS IT. Normally in my sis's CCA (NCC), the snr would sms the IC for the next day's activity and go, YOU'RE THE IC, Fall in whatever...at 3pm etc etc. But this time, this new girl from the new batch in charge (sec 3s just taken over) smsed my sis without the YOU'RE THE IC. and everything. My sis asked me if it meant she was the IC. I looked at it, it totally sounded like a mass sms she would send out to everyone. Last sentence was like, I expect yall to be punctual etc.

So i got my sis to confirm with this snr, sms her like, So Mam, could i confirm with you, AM I THE IC for tmr?

And you know what this snr replied? "what do you think?"

I was totally WTF when i read it. What do you think your ass ah. ask this kind of qns. people hao xin confirm with you to avoid miscommunication, you still come and give ur juniors this kind of shit.

I would have replied, I THINK YOU ARE A BIG FAT ASS, and you shld go die.

of course cannot say tt lah.

my sis says she's forbidden to reply, some JUNIOR-SENIOR NO COMMUNICATION policy which i completely don't understand. back in rv, our ncc nvr had such a warped theory.

To this snr, whose name i rmb to be like QIAO YI or sth. My sis will probably scream at me if she reads this entry, and she'll demand that i remove/delete this post, you know why? cus she still has respect for you. and you shld really change ur attitude before not only her (the rest of the part and the sec 1s) lose respect for you. As a senior you shld know better. Don't think you're in control and you can do anything to threaten/make juniors feel stupid when they are actl CLARIFYING things with you. (WHAT DO YOU THINK? i personally think this is very rude and terrible) people. i hear my sis always talking about honour and glory. where's yours.

It's your problem you failed to be specific and incl in the sms, YOU ARE THE IC, or phrase the sms in a more personalised tone, like MAKE SURE THE PART IS PUNCTUAL (instead of: i expect YOU ALL to be punctual), and you shouldn't take it out on your juniors. I think you are a terrible, terrible person. And now my sis is very affected. She loves NCC and she respects her seniors, and you are rly just. unbelievable. Give your juniors due respect please.

alright enough of ranting. dunno what kids are doing these days.

I wrote this in a state of anger so you have to blame me for any inaccuracies. do not take it out on my sis if you read this, because it has nothing to do with her.

and so ends a post with no smilies. how rare. :/